Creative Luxury
So I had a creative crisis which I think I’ve worked through for now. I felt unable to create and write and make other things that I make because I had my focus on my lack of money. I felt like I had to ‘work’ whatever that means.
My traditional understanding of work has been to go get a ‘job’ and work there and come home and save as much money as possible and invest what is left over.
I’ve spent the last 20 years raising babies, and if you’ve done that as well, you will understand that there really isn’t anything left over each week. It all just goes.
So my habit has been that any time that I have left over, I’ve spent on my creative side. Also with kids, there wasn’t much left but as they grew older I got more and more time, and I also carved out my own time by getting up earlier and enjoying those silent hours before anyone got up and I was able to write. In the evenings, and on weekends without sport commitments, I was able to sew.
Now I am in a financial situation which is not ideal – at all – but I am changing my language about that situation. In a collective understanding I’m broke, but I’m not broken. Because I have this idea hanging over my head every day, every minute, I feel guilty if I’m doing anything else that is not making money to get me out of this.
However, I came to understand, that my creations may actually help me get out of the situation. They won’t be ‘instant’ though. It’s an investment of time that may or may not pay off some time in the future. Because I feel in a hurry to fix my situation, it became increasingly difficult, almost impossible, to spend time on something that may or may not pay off, but devote this time to things that will definitely pay off, more or less within a month.
These thoughts were also influencing my writing. Instead of writing how I feel, I was writing what I thought would ‘sell’ and by this I mean what would earn advertising dollars on my blogs. When I go down this road, I feel inauthentic. I feel like I’m writing an essay for dollars. The creation of writing is taken out as I ‘make’ something that will earn money. It’s not creation for creation’s sake anymore. It’s still joyous to me though because I love writing, no matter what it is or why I have to or choose to do it.
I felt I had to get my head straighter on, so that my content comes from a place that is comfortable and good for me rather than a manipulation of words that will make money for me.
This point may only be able to understood by other writers and creators but it feels important to me to clarify my intentions of writing and build my way forward on this blog so that I can feel good about it.
Then I got to thinking that if I already had money would I write the same? In some cases yes and in others no, because one of my sites is entirely based on the premise on money.
We live in a time of creative luxury. There are creators everywhere and a lot of them are making money and supporting themselves from their creative endeavours. It is the greatest time to be alive and thrive as a creator. For me, and anyone in my age group, I remember the lessons of my grandparents and parents and it feels dishonourable to spend my time on things I enjoy rather than labour as they did.
I know they laboured so we could enjoy our lives and undertake creative things if we wished, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like I have the right to do that.
All of these thoughts ran through my mind this week until I decided that the path of least resistance and what comes easily should be honoured. Writing has always come easily to me, even academic tedious writing was joyful.
So I’m going to keep following that path. My balance is holding down a job which I am so grateful for, and continuing to write in my spare time. Some will make me money and some will make me happy, but overall the joy of writing will win.
If it is a luxury to do what you love, then I am enjoying the creative luxury to do so. I go into the new year with a new strength and vision of what I want. I am focussing all my energies upon it and enjoying the minutes between the fruition of what I want and where I am now.
I wish all of you an enjoyable holiday season and a prosperous new year filled with your own endeavours of creation.
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