Riding Writing

So just over two years ago, I lost everything. You can read more about that on my blog. Once I got my head together, really in the last few months, I was able to totally identify and focus on who and what I am and what I’m putting everything into from this day forth — writing. 

I’m 54 and I’m a writer. When I reflect on my life I’ve been a writer the whole time but growing up where, when and how I did, I really didn’t understand that it was a thing that I could do and make money with. 

I read every day of my life up until I left school. I took days off school to read books which my dad was happy to allow “I don’t care what you read, as long as you’re reading.” He was my greatest gift.

I have a lot of creative people in my life. During the current shut down we finally had what we all wanted. No job to go to, all the time in the world, all the resources we need to create — and we couldn’t. One of my associates sent me a reminder about the Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs. This was a crucial aha moment. I suddenly realised why I couldn’t write anything. Why I couldn’t create anything. Why I couldn’t do ANYTHING. 

I did not feel safe.

Once I accepted that I was unsafe and in reality had always been unsafe but had fooled myself into feeling safe, the floodgates opened. But the opened with confusion of which way to go now and I was again frozen with indecision about which thing to do now. 

I still have a few things that might pan out. I have an application in a PhD which I’m excited about and hope I get, but it may not happen. If it doesn’t, then I have two more courses I’m interested in pursuing. But none of these options are my actual thing. 

My actual thing from now on is writing. 

I was able to access my superannuation and have enough available to pay rent for 12 months. This is the time that I am all in on all things writing. 

Each book I started, will be finished. Each blog I started will be revived. YouTube channels are having content added each week. 

Any channel I can find that will enable me to keep going, I’m pursuing. 

From this day forward, I’m a writer. That’s it. What do I write? Anything I want whenever I want to. Am I a specialist in anything? If I had to choose something I would say healthcare but I have the skills to learn anything. Because I’m a writer. 

I’m letting my life ride on my writing. Finally. I feel liberated, afraid, clear and confused all at once. 

But this is it. I’m going all in and may the chips fall where they may. 

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