Starting Over At 50 With Nothing
This is more common than you think and just as embarrassing as you feel it to be. How did this happen? All your plans have gone out the window. All that money you earned – gone. What the hell do you do now?
It took me a couple of months to get my head straight after I lost everything. It wasn’t just the loss. It was because I was so happy doing what I was doing. I had always wanted to run a cafe with good food and I was doing it. Working 16 hour days and loving it. Every minute. Even the leaking pipes, the fridges that broke down, stoves that didn’t work. Loved every second of it. So it was twice as devastating when it all came to an abrupt financial halt by the landlord.
I cried. For days. Sometimes openly. Sometimes in my bed at night. Totally broken spirit. I had lost all my money from my house. I still owed creditors. I had no income. I couldn’t pay my rent for my house. My son was supporting me. I was just shattered.
After about a month when it didn’t feel so raw anymore I tried to understand why this had happened to me. It began to feel liberating. The money I had invested in the business was the last of what I felt was the blood money. Money that I received from people dying. It had never felt right. I’m giving my kids my money while I’m alive so they don’t feel this in the future.
I was free of the old histories. I was not beholding to anyone. I didn’t have to protect the money anymore. It was gone. I felt light. I felt free. I felt scared shitless. Now it was all up to me. All of the things I thought I knew were proved incorrect. But the world seemed suddenly clearer. I understood how the game is rigged to take advantage of suckers like me. Huge, extremely painful, lesson. But I got it. Real good.
It was up to me now. Just me. My kids were independent but I knew that they would need healthcare in the future. They would need to secure housing. I didn’t want them to feel the constant pressure that I was feeling now. The world is a harsh place at times. If you have food, housing and your health you can deal with it, but without these things it’s a much harsher place.
So I made myself a five year plan. I ran the numbers. It was almost kind of doable but if I failed at least I got closer to the goal. The aim? Save for some sort of ‘retirement’ for myself although I don’t think I will ever actually ‘retire’ because the world is far too interesting and there is always something to be writing about. But I wanted to take the pressure off myself to continually earn money every week to buy food and shelter.
Then there is what I want to leave to the kids. This is my main focus. I live in a terrible house against other people’s standards, but for me it’s just fine. It’s affordable. I have enough room for everything and a spare bedroom for whichever kid needs a bed for the night. I don’t plan on buying a house again – here’s why. So my weekly expenses are minimal. I am living extremely frugally – my weekly food budget is just over $50 a week now instead of $200.
I’m working ebay like a mad woman. Flipping my single dollars into $15, $20 or $30 and then re-investing into more stock. It is far more predictable returns on my investment than the stockmarket.
I finally got a job – read about that here. So my rent and expenses are taken care of and I have money left over to save – actually save – can you believe it? And I’m writing. Every day. The goal is five articles a day but I don’t always make it. I’m working five different niche sites simultaneously with an aim to have them give me a passive income within 12 months. It’s not an overnight fix by any means but it’s well within the 5 year plan.
I’m finishing my books. Hopefully they will boost income as well. I’m sewing again. Such a long story about how I lost the love of this, but I have it back now. I’m making and selling what I make on ebay as well. Not a fortune. But a joy that lifts my spirit and pays for my materials. And you never know right? Another small cog in the 5 year plan.
Once you get your head together after a huge loss, it is possible to make small, intentional steps to a new goal. Letting go of what we held to be true for so long is devastating. The echoes of the past haunt our internal dialogues and it is almost impossible to let them go. But you must. They are not here to judge you. You failed. I failed. Spectacularly. And yet I lived to tell the story – and you can too. Because there is a way forward. Week by week, day by day, hour by hour or five minutes by five minutes.
Breathe. It’s going to be OK. It won’t be what you planned. Time to make a new plan.
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